as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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