I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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