you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
