I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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