If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
