Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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