why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
