Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
