So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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