Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
