Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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