She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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