i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
