She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize