five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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