the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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