I want you more than these girls want KFC
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
