I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
