dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
