I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
