can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize