I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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