Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
