I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
