i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
