we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
