Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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