Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
