you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
