I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
