You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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