No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
