North Korea, Best Korea!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
