can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
