I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You are the jesus of drinking
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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