I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize