Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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