no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
