i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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