i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
