So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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