Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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