I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
