was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Welp...herpes.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
