I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
