I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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