im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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