Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
