All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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