doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
