You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
