I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
