now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
