It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize