why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
