But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
