Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
