Where did you get a picture of my penis
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
