I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
