you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
