May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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