I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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