WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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