So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
