just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
