I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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