Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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