Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
