ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
