I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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