i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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