Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
