why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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