When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
