now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
