I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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