What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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