I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize