I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
